Can Couple Therapy Save Your Relationship?
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How it works and how it can heal your relationship.
There was likely a time in your relationship when everything felt wonderful and effortless, as though you were flying high together. But relationships rarely stay that way. If yours has hit turbulence that feels more than just a little bumpy, you may be worried or even be starting to panic. You might be asking yourself: Can the relationship right itself? Is it getting out of control? Has it begun a downward spiral toward an inevitable crash? Alternatively, you might consider turning to couple therapy to help your relationship change course.
The truth is that if your relationship is filled with tension or can best be described as chronically disconnect, then it is unlikely to improve without couple therapy. This article will help you and your partner to explore the above questions, and to decide whether couple therapy is right for you.
Research – and my personal experience in working with couples – has shown that couple therapy can help significantly reduce distress and improve the quality of relationships. However, timing is key. When couples wait too long to get help, their disconnection or animosity can become so profound that there is very little positive to build upon, leaving their relationship beyond repair. Yet, those who turn to couple therapy sooner increase their chances of recovering the relationship they once cherished – or even building something stronger.
Couple therapy has become increasingly common over the decades, mostly due to a few factors. In the 2025 American Psychological Association Stress in America report, 47% of adults rated romantic relationships as the top source for where to get meaning in life. When other types of relationships were included, then that number rose to 92%, highlighting the importance of relationships in their lives. At the same time, people have come to want and expect more from relationships. Another point worth noting is that when people become upset in their relationships, their physical and emotional well-being suffers. So, considering all of these factors, it is not surprising that an estimated 49% of couples have reported turning to couple therapy for help.
As interest in the field of couple therapy has grown, it has also continued to evolve. Especially with the relatively recent integration of neuroscience, research shows that couple therapy can be effective both for helping distressed couples and for addressing individual problems, such as anxiety and depression. Still, many couples require tune-ups after several years to help them maintain gains they’ve made and continue to nurture a healthier relationship.
What to Expect in Couple Therapy
Although there are different approaches to couple therapy, most are grounded in a biopsychosocial focus, which has recently grown to include a neuroscientific perspective. Based on this research-support foundation, couple therapy generally includes the following:
Focus on relationship distress and relationship satisfaction: It is important to keep in mind that distress and satisfaction are experienced independently. Reducing relationship problems may leave couples less unhappy without actually increasing their sense of connection or helping them to feel good about the relationship. Almost all couple therapy target both factors, but they can differ on their focus on one versus the other.
Stages of couple therapy: Most couple therapy includes three stages of treatment.
· The assessment stage includes identifying factors that cause issues based in each partner and the dynamics between them. During this process, the therapist works to develop a positive working relationship with the couple. Different approaches vary in how much the therapist collaborates with the couple in creating a treatment plan. If you don’t feel comfortable with the therapist in these early sessions, you might want to talk with the therapist about this to either create a better connection or to end the therapy in favor of finding a new therapist.
· Next, the change stage focuses on reducing the couple’s distress and increasing a positive, caring connection. Partners learn to appreciate each other’s perspectives and efforts to connect. Couples in treatment can benefit more from the process by actively engaging with treatment recommendations and talking with the therapist about any concerns they have with the therapy.
· Finally, the therapy ends with the termination stage, which includes reviewing gains and addressing how to maintain them. I have found that many couples want to end therapy immediately after their tensions have lessened. However, this can be a mistake. It could be that they get along when things go well, but they might still have trouble navigating difficulties. So, I have found that it is best for couples to remain in therapy until they have success in working through conflicts outside of sessions.
Common areas of focus: Based on empirical research, couple therapy usually involves either implicitly or explicitly attending to these areas:
· Attachment: This refers to the ways people relate to others, generally grounded in early experiences. Attachment theory describes individual attachment styles and explains how they are central to relationship dynamics.
· Communication: Couple therapists often educate couples about their communication styles and how to communicate more effectively. They also guide them in doing so effectively.
· Behavioral interactions: Along with highlighting the couple’s communication style, couple therapists often attend to their behavioral interactions. They might work with the couple to understand and more directly and constructively communicate underlying meanings.
· Emotional experiences and connection: Feeling close and connected is clearly central for most couples. With this in mind, couple therapy generally encourages partners to identify and express their emotions in constructive ways. It might also directly address how their emotions relate to their attachment styles.
· Domains of focus: Most couple therapy will attend to building and working with people’s thoughts, emotions, and actions, though they may differ in where they put the focus and how they address these areas.
Three Core Ideas for Making Couple Therapy Work
If you are considering using this potentially invaluable tool for healing your relationship, there are share three key ideas to think about.
· Couple therapy can be successful if you and your partner are honestly committed to it.
· To heal your relationship, you both must find a way to connect with your warm, loving feelings for each other.
· Being respectful of each other no matter what is happening is essential.
To learn more about these ideas, watch this 2-minute video, Why Couple Therapy Often Fails (And 3 Commitments That Can Make It Work)
Getting Started
In reading this broad outline of what to expect, you might still feel unsure about what couple therapy will actually be like. That’s understandable – you can only fully grasp therapy by experiencing it. But if you decide that you want to give couple therapy a try, reach out and talk with two or more couple therapists on the phone to get a sense of their style and whether you feel comfortable with them. When you find one who feels like the right fit for you and your partner, then schedule an appointment. By beginning this journey, you’ll be giving your relationship the best chance to heal and grow.
References:
Lebow J., & Snyder, D. K. (2022). Couple therapy in the 2020s: Current status and emerging developments. Family Process, 61, 1359–1385. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12824
American Psychological Association (2025). Stress in America 2025: A Crisis of Connection